When you were born, I felt a love so intense, so drastic and so fierce. I spent every second holding your little baby self. I was so determined to protect this little human who I loved so intensely.
As you grew up we lived in the same place where I grew up. I wanted to protect you from the vultures who are constantly roaming around trying to take advantage of little girls. I was so scared to lose this tiny person who I loved that I was so strict and trying to keep you safe.
In hindsight I wish I had been more sensitive to what you needed instead of what I was trying to prevent which was my own heartache if something were to happen to you.
My vision was that I would go to school and graduate and get a great job so that I could provide for you and we would live in a nice place around nice people.
I always dreamed about meeting a prince charming who would rescue us who would make us into a family.
I wanted so badly for you to have that I grasped at every possible opportunity and in so doing you were hurt over and over. I know I've told you all of these things before,
I wish I had taken time to stop and be content where we were I wish I had been treated for depression so that I didn't sleep your little childhood away.
I am determined not to repeat that in to make sure I am intentional and active in the lives of the kids who came later. I was looking back through pictures and I realized that I was so focused on myself and even the new family and you were just sitting on the outside I never realized it and I'm so sorry period it was painful to see and it was obvious to detect how you felt by the look in those pictures. I know you never felt part of anything except part of me, you and me, as a unit. I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, that unit is part of my core it is what makes up my everything. You were truly my first love. I try never to think about it because it hurts so much knowing how I let it slip away so quickly. I'm writing this so you have record.
you'll always be able to find me here on this page even when I'm gone. I don't plan on going anywhere but if I did I want you to know and remember these things my heart will always be with you and will follow you around wherever you go I will always be watching and looking after you I will always intercede on your behalf and beg Jesus to take care of you and protect you and to show you how much he loves you. You are loved human being you are an incredible woman. The fact that you turned out the way you did in spite of what you went through and what we struggle together blows my mind. It tells me that your resolve is so strong that you can be anything you want and do anything you dream of you will be a success in this life as long as you love those around you and allow them to love you.
You need to set your standards for a husband so high that someone has to climb a mountain to meet them. no one deserves you and no one will ever be good enough, I can promise you that. My deepest longing for you is that you would get to experience and enjoy the love of our sweet savior who made you. He intended for you to be here in spite of the circumstances, He made you for this. For this life he has always been with you. I've always known that he is protected you in ways that are so Supernatural that anyone on the outside, understanding what you have been through and lived through can see that. The protection defies the laws of physics and biology the fact that you are still alive is truly a miracle.
What I struggled through had nothing to do with you. I hope so much that you know that. I was functioning in a deep dark well of sadness trying and trying and trying to climb out of it and I never could. I was sad all the time and I slept all the time and I made terrible choices all the time but none of it had anything to do with you and it wasn't because of you and I'm so sorry that is mother you got.
I want you too love these other children for me when I'm gone.
You are so loved. By me and the Creator who made you knit you together in my womb.. I am so sorry that I never recognized the protective shield that was around your heart. I always assumed that there was something wrong very wrong I had no idea that it was to protect yourself and that all I had to do was break a little bit away and I could have gotten in there. I had no idea I'm so sorry.
I am so thankful for the time we do spend together if you ever move away I'll be so devastated. I am so happy to see you enjoying friends and allowing them to love you for the first time probably ever. you deserve to experience the love all around you. My hope for you is that you will do and be all of the things that I can't. I could see you as an Outdoorsman fishing even fly fishing like gramps. I can imagine iT! YOU love nature you always have. I can see you in the woods in spite of your fear of trees haha. I could see you camping and hiking and taking incredible Adventures.
I pray so hard that you meet someone so special WHO will do all of this with you. I want you to climb mountains, to skydive, to swim in the ocean, to surf, to wakeboard, to canoe, and kayak, to Whitewater raft, to parasail, to do all of those amazing things and feel the wind in your face and to smell the sweet air of the forest. I want you to go out there and live your life! you are young and strong go and do it.
I can't believe when I look at you that you are even MINE. I can't believe it. I don't know how that happened but I am so thankful that it did. I just want you to know that even though I still suffer from those emotional baggages and that keep me boxed in in my own world. EVEN though I am so consumed with the family life and responsibilities that I have right now, you are still solely my heart. Don't tell the others haha.
If something ever happened to you, MORIAH, I would die, it would kill me. I could never go on.
Be a force in this world. Go to different countries build homes for the homeless feed the poor give of yourself. that is where true satisfaction comes from. be generous with your heart. be generous with your capabilities. do for others. pour yourself out even when they can't give anything back. You are going to find incredible Adventure.
I imagine you as a missionary in some country pouring out your life for others big so blessed by God he has such a purpose for you MORIAH. My God is real he is big and he is strong and he loves you so so much. Please please accept Jesus as your savior let him direct your life. You will find so much happiness and joy that you could never comprehend until you have him. Jesus loves you. quit running from him. just be brave and reach out your hand and watch him take it and lead you to incredible places. I have never found a love and contentment except in the arms of Christ. he rescued me when I was drowning. he filled me with love when I had a black hard metal heart.
everything you say that you admire about me is not me it is not my natural it is not my flash self. I promise you that remember the road rage remember the anger and the screaming and yelling and the hatred that boiled and be all of the time? God took all of those things away and replaced it with himself and that is what you see. you see love from Jesus Christ in my life. you see only that. He drowns me out.
I want you to climb out to skydive to swim in the ocean to surf to wakeboard to could do it kayak to whitewater raft to Parasail to do all of this amazing things and feel the wind in your face, to smell the sweet air of the forest. I want you to go out there in a live your life. You are young age strong go and do it. I can't believe what I look at you that you were even mine. I can't believe it, I don't know how that happened.
I just want you to know that even though I still suffer from froze emotional packages and problems that keep me consumed in my old world, even though I am so focused the family life and responsibilities that I have, right now you are still solely by heart. Don't tell the others haha. If something ever happened to you, I would die it would kill me I could never go out. Be a force in this world. Go to different countries build hugs for the homeless feed the poor give of yourself that is where true satisfaction comes from be generous with your heart be generous with your capabilities do for others pour yourself out even with they can't give anything back. You are going to fight incredible adventure I imagine you as a missionary it some country pouring out your life for others big so blessed by God he has such a purpose for you Mariah. By God is real he is big and he has shrug and he loves you so so much. Please please accept Jesus is your savior not have direct your life. You will fight so much happiness and joy that you could never Capri hid till you get to that place. If I get to heaven one day you don't I just don't even know what a terrible thought jesus loves you quit running for him just be brave and reach out your head and watch him take it in the lead you to a credible places. I haven't ever found a love and contentment accepted the arms of Christ. He asked me what I was ready he filled me with love when I had a black hard little heart everything you say that you admire about me is not be it is not bad at all it is not by flesh self I probably see that tree bill burr the road rage remember the Edgar of the screaming of the yelling at the hatred that boil did be all of the time God took all of those things away replaced it with himself if that is what you see you see love from Jesus Christ in my life you see only that. He grounds me out so that he can love others through be that is what you see that is who your brother is he is be. He live through be I allow him to because I adore him because he is my Heavenly Father no one in nothing could ever love me as much as he decided he created be because he gave me such gifts like you. Those things just don't happen without him people are not so blessed and filled with joy without him you will never meet someone who is happy and content and love ache without him.
As you grew up we lived in the same place where I grew up. I wanted to protect you from the vultures who are constantly roaming around trying to take advantage of little girls. I was so scared to lose this tiny person who I loved that I was so strict and trying to keep you safe.
In hindsight I wish I had been more sensitive to what you needed instead of what I was trying to prevent which was my own heartache if something were to happen to you.
My vision was that I would go to school and graduate and get a great job so that I could provide for you and we would live in a nice place around nice people.
I always dreamed about meeting a prince charming who would rescue us who would make us into a family.
I wanted so badly for you to have that I grasped at every possible opportunity and in so doing you were hurt over and over. I know I've told you all of these things before,
I wish I had taken time to stop and be content where we were I wish I had been treated for depression so that I didn't sleep your little childhood away.
I am determined not to repeat that in to make sure I am intentional and active in the lives of the kids who came later. I was looking back through pictures and I realized that I was so focused on myself and even the new family and you were just sitting on the outside I never realized it and I'm so sorry period it was painful to see and it was obvious to detect how you felt by the look in those pictures. I know you never felt part of anything except part of me, you and me, as a unit. I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, that unit is part of my core it is what makes up my everything. You were truly my first love. I try never to think about it because it hurts so much knowing how I let it slip away so quickly. I'm writing this so you have record.
you'll always be able to find me here on this page even when I'm gone. I don't plan on going anywhere but if I did I want you to know and remember these things my heart will always be with you and will follow you around wherever you go I will always be watching and looking after you I will always intercede on your behalf and beg Jesus to take care of you and protect you and to show you how much he loves you. You are loved human being you are an incredible woman. The fact that you turned out the way you did in spite of what you went through and what we struggle together blows my mind. It tells me that your resolve is so strong that you can be anything you want and do anything you dream of you will be a success in this life as long as you love those around you and allow them to love you.
You need to set your standards for a husband so high that someone has to climb a mountain to meet them. no one deserves you and no one will ever be good enough, I can promise you that. My deepest longing for you is that you would get to experience and enjoy the love of our sweet savior who made you. He intended for you to be here in spite of the circumstances, He made you for this. For this life he has always been with you. I've always known that he is protected you in ways that are so Supernatural that anyone on the outside, understanding what you have been through and lived through can see that. The protection defies the laws of physics and biology the fact that you are still alive is truly a miracle.
What I struggled through had nothing to do with you. I hope so much that you know that. I was functioning in a deep dark well of sadness trying and trying and trying to climb out of it and I never could. I was sad all the time and I slept all the time and I made terrible choices all the time but none of it had anything to do with you and it wasn't because of you and I'm so sorry that is mother you got.
I want you too love these other children for me when I'm gone.
You are so loved. By me and the Creator who made you knit you together in my womb.. I am so sorry that I never recognized the protective shield that was around your heart. I always assumed that there was something wrong very wrong I had no idea that it was to protect yourself and that all I had to do was break a little bit away and I could have gotten in there. I had no idea I'm so sorry.
I am so thankful for the time we do spend together if you ever move away I'll be so devastated. I am so happy to see you enjoying friends and allowing them to love you for the first time probably ever. you deserve to experience the love all around you. My hope for you is that you will do and be all of the things that I can't. I could see you as an Outdoorsman fishing even fly fishing like gramps. I can imagine iT! YOU love nature you always have. I can see you in the woods in spite of your fear of trees haha. I could see you camping and hiking and taking incredible Adventures.
I pray so hard that you meet someone so special WHO will do all of this with you. I want you to climb mountains, to skydive, to swim in the ocean, to surf, to wakeboard, to canoe, and kayak, to Whitewater raft, to parasail, to do all of those amazing things and feel the wind in your face and to smell the sweet air of the forest. I want you to go out there and live your life! you are young and strong go and do it.
I can't believe when I look at you that you are even MINE. I can't believe it. I don't know how that happened but I am so thankful that it did. I just want you to know that even though I still suffer from those emotional baggages and that keep me boxed in in my own world. EVEN though I am so consumed with the family life and responsibilities that I have right now, you are still solely my heart. Don't tell the others haha.
If something ever happened to you, MORIAH, I would die, it would kill me. I could never go on.
Be a force in this world. Go to different countries build homes for the homeless feed the poor give of yourself. that is where true satisfaction comes from. be generous with your heart. be generous with your capabilities. do for others. pour yourself out even when they can't give anything back. You are going to find incredible Adventure.
I imagine you as a missionary in some country pouring out your life for others big so blessed by God he has such a purpose for you MORIAH. My God is real he is big and he is strong and he loves you so so much. Please please accept Jesus as your savior let him direct your life. You will find so much happiness and joy that you could never comprehend until you have him. Jesus loves you. quit running from him. just be brave and reach out your hand and watch him take it and lead you to incredible places. I have never found a love and contentment except in the arms of Christ. he rescued me when I was drowning. he filled me with love when I had a black hard metal heart.
everything you say that you admire about me is not me it is not my natural it is not my flash self. I promise you that remember the road rage remember the anger and the screaming and yelling and the hatred that boiled and be all of the time? God took all of those things away and replaced it with himself and that is what you see. you see love from Jesus Christ in my life. you see only that. He drowns me out.
I want you to climb out to skydive to swim in the ocean to surf to wakeboard to could do it kayak to whitewater raft to Parasail to do all of this amazing things and feel the wind in your face, to smell the sweet air of the forest. I want you to go out there in a live your life. You are young age strong go and do it. I can't believe what I look at you that you were even mine. I can't believe it, I don't know how that happened.
I just want you to know that even though I still suffer from froze emotional packages and problems that keep me consumed in my old world, even though I am so focused the family life and responsibilities that I have, right now you are still solely by heart. Don't tell the others haha. If something ever happened to you, I would die it would kill me I could never go out. Be a force in this world. Go to different countries build hugs for the homeless feed the poor give of yourself that is where true satisfaction comes from be generous with your heart be generous with your capabilities do for others pour yourself out even with they can't give anything back. You are going to fight incredible adventure I imagine you as a missionary it some country pouring out your life for others big so blessed by God he has such a purpose for you Mariah. By God is real he is big and he has shrug and he loves you so so much. Please please accept Jesus is your savior not have direct your life. You will fight so much happiness and joy that you could never Capri hid till you get to that place. If I get to heaven one day you don't I just don't even know what a terrible thought jesus loves you quit running for him just be brave and reach out your head and watch him take it in the lead you to a credible places. I haven't ever found a love and contentment accepted the arms of Christ. He asked me what I was ready he filled me with love when I had a black hard little heart everything you say that you admire about me is not be it is not bad at all it is not by flesh self I probably see that tree bill burr the road rage remember the Edgar of the screaming of the yelling at the hatred that boil did be all of the time God took all of those things away replaced it with himself if that is what you see you see love from Jesus Christ in my life you see only that. He grounds me out so that he can love others through be that is what you see that is who your brother is he is be. He live through be I allow him to because I adore him because he is my Heavenly Father no one in nothing could ever love me as much as he decided he created be because he gave me such gifts like you. Those things just don't happen without him people are not so blessed and filled with joy without him you will never meet someone who is happy and content and love ache without him.
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