God's voice is so clear...this is where I want to be. Right in his arms.

I really want to be diligent in recording for myself for my family for my children and for any who might find themselves here on this page, the prayers and communications from God that cannot be explained in any other way but that point back to him specifically.  

Honestly I feel so special that my God would speak to me personally for any reason ever; and I love that and I think it's beautiful and I think he is so beautiful and I want that beauty to be visible for anyone looking into my life.

I have recently become acquainted with a beautiful Christ follower who I instantly connected with heart to heart. I have been praying for God to bring to me specifically some special Christian women for me to be with and to encourage one another. Also specifically praying that we find a home church in our new area that we can get deeply rooted in and serve our local community along side.

So the other day I'm driving along and I take the wrong turn I don't even know how and I see across the street so very close to my own home a church hidden behind a hill I immediately take a mental note and when I get to my destination I text Matt to let him know that I just saw a church that I didn't even know was here.  ( excuse the run on sentences that are surely to come I'm doing this post from voice text since we don't have internet access and I cannot use my laptop)

This is interesting, this church that I never even knew was here, right when I am specifically begging God to please hurry up please show me where he wants us we don't want to make any mistakes we don't want to be in the wrong place we want to be exactly where he wants us because we miss community with him we miss being connected to a church body. Prior to this discovery we had happened in and out of various little places pretty close to where we are we met some people who really loves and considered commuting a little bit of a distance to their church and then through them met some other people we loved to be considered attending their church.

all the while I have had this deep resonating impression that it was not a random thing that we should move to this town and that perhaps God was calling us to serve right in and around our tiny little community. where we are right now is a really special place it's half country but it's so close to the city and to anything that we might need to access or to do or to visit so it just feels perfect. We're so close to the mountains were so close to all of the things that we love we're so very thankful that God chose the spot for us or chose us for the spot.

Matt graciously agreed that yes we would certainly need to check this place out in the very next Sunday we are determined that we were going to do it we were not going to be lazy we were not going to let the day go on and pretend to forget to get ready and then missed church I think we were all so hungry for it and really wanted to make it happen and so we did.

We walk in the doors and there was something so beautiful about this place this humble little place filled with a lot of older people not really any minorities not a whole lot of young couples or anything that we had envisioned or anticipated God might put us in the middle of but I think we were really planning to god knows what was best for us and being willing to hear him out. It didn't hurt that everyone was so absolutely precious to us so very welcome and so kind so compassionate and really just beautiful. I remember thinking to myself I want these people to be my family. what a joy it is to know that you are in the right place. We've been in the desert for so long but God had such a purpose for it. a while back we had been shown a beautiful church just like this experience we knew without a shadow of a doubt we can recall every detail of how God let us there and we can remember all of the things that he taught us there and that he showed us and all of the people he connected us to their who blessed and enriched our lives who saved our lives in folks we were able to port into as well.  But then the seasons changed and we felt God calling us to something else we felt God's prodding that there was more that he had for us to do that we were finished we weren't allowed to become complacent and just be enjoying the utopic secluded environment of being happy within one's own congregation which is how we felt we were becoming. we had very limited perception of course all we could see was from our very limited field of view which was that we were one of the families who was enjoying being entertained and thought and fed but we were not fulfilling the Great Commission. we felt God's piercing Prada pushing and we didn't know what to do we didn't have anything specific that we were supposed to jump right into we felt a little bit lost but we knew we had made the right decision. there was nothing in particular wrong with where we were and we love very much all of the people we were with but we knew the sense that God was turning our hearts away from that place towards something else. we lost some friends in that transition some friends who were Abe lifeblood to us I still mourn those relationships. God used his friends to heal and mend our marriage he used them to love us and encourage us for years as a new homeschooling mom new to the area there were so precious to us and took us in as one of their own. I will never stop being grateful that God saw fit to allow us to enjoy that kind of beautiful friendship during that time and season of our lives I will never ever forget it. & I am determined to let God use me in any way that he sees fit realizing that he will put things together and he will break things apart but all for his purpose and all for His glory and I will trust that.

As I said we were in a desert we've been roaming around thirsty tired exhausted spent. We've both encountered some health issues minor very complicated and perplexing Matt enough to be troubling his blood pressure trying to get that under control before his busy season at work starts. it has been trying and difficult and lonely and scary and bumpy and hilly potholes riddled all around but I feel like we are on the other side of that portion. we didn't lose sight of God but we definitely put seeking him out diligently daily aside and began just coping day to day instead to our error but as believers are well aware he is so present in those times he never stops calling our name he never leaves us alone he never forgets about us he never stops pursuing he never stopped wanting to be close he never stops loving us. He just keeps showing us over and over again that you we fall down here we stumble yeah we screw up we make a mess but he's always right there with his hand outstretched to her heart just waiting for the moment we will put our eyes on him again for that I am so thankful he is my father I feel so very loved by him and I love him so much in return. I want you to know that nothing in the world has changed infuse my life with jewelry improved my life giving me life been a beautiful cornerstone in my life presented me with more acceptance encouragement and love is my Jesus. my Jesus has been that friend who won't leave you alone that friend who keeps calling even when you feel the noise by it that friend who keeps dropping Bill off at the doorstep when you're too tired to get out of bed that friend who whispers back to you at night or you're crying alone in your bed that you're not alone but he loves you so much and that he'll never stop and that everything is going to be ok just reach out and grab his hand.

Anyway the moment we walked into this new church I think we knew. the coolest thing is when both of us know and we look at each other and we know what that means that look in our eyes we can recognize it in each other that hand squeeze that's reassuring that says yes this is it this is right. it's not just about a church it's not about a building it's not about a place but it is about a community full of others who love Jesus and are led by Jesus and me Jesus the same way we do who could serve together who can reach out together who can reach in together who can support and love one another it is a beautiful gift just like a family just like a beautiful Jesus family. That is what church is about that is what our hearts were desperate for that is what God was pushing us toward we know that there are so many things to come there are so many reasons and connections to be made we know that people there are going to minister into our lives and that God is going to use us to do the same we know that we are going to raise our children up together with the understanding of who God is and how to have a deep meaningful relationship with him themselves we're doing this together this is a community and communal effort God tells us not to forsake meeting together and that we should encourage and build each other up and that we should only focus on what is right what is true he tells us all of these things so when we get to live it out we know there is just no other place no other thing that we would rather be doing.

So I am so thankful to be able to report all of these things and to record it forever I wish I had been diligent in the past years as God has done some amazing dramatic and profound things in our lives.

There are several women he has brought into my life who have changed me who have changed the way I look at people you have changed the way I let God use me and I am so thankful for this type of ministry it isn't mine ministry it is God's ministry and he happens to use me and what a thrill I get out of that.  So as I mentioned before the season's sometimes my life is full of these beautiful precious souls and sometimes my life is completely void of any one and I feel like I'm not doing anything for anyone and that is so very depleting feeling. I then think about where I am and how God led me here and healthy so he's been every single step of the way and I take comfort in that and I know that taking care of my family loving my husband these things are not in vain and that this is a ministry in and of itself and that even me doing this with joy is a ministry because I can be an example for other young moms and wives. anyway this is something special dear to my heart that I love very much and I'm so thankful to be part of everybody then wind the needs and the people died down and lay low or different women moved in and then out of my life I know that God is in control of all of it and I don't get wrapped up in feeling one way or the other about anything in particular I just kind of go with it and listen to where his voice tells me to go. I have seen a lot of fruit from this even in Halsey people have poured into my life and in Richton loved me too they have become friends dear friends who I love you I cherish and who I will never stop praying for and being thankful for.


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