Why, God?

He Today, I left this
To do this instead...
And this. I just ask God why he allows me this blissful place and serenity?  So many people are suffering in this world with not even their basic life needs met-why did he bring me to this place?  I have heard him say to me that there is nothing I can do to earn these things. Faithfulness doesn't earn preference. He gives his children gifts because he loves them. We are created in his image, and we too love to give our children the world. We don't ask them to earn the gifts we desire to give them. I know I don't deserve it. I know I could never to enough to deserve it.  As I pass folks struggling in this life who live right next door, He reminds me of different seasons in my own life where I was that person. That very woman. That very man, the one walking on the side of the road with a cigarette in his mouth and his clothes dirty and tattered. I am that man. I am that woman, riding a bike in town with pajama bottoms on. That is me. I was that person. I am them. Years of darkness and isolation in my teen years, desperate tears, years of depression and mental suffering. Years of bleakness. So bleak I wanted to leave this place.  Literal struggle, single mom working two jobs all the time. Living in section 8 housing. Always strapped with bills and bills and bills I could never pay. So depressed and spent with ailments that devoid my body and he life of any energy. I slept, and I slept and I slept some dark dark days away. My child suffered and was alone while I suffered in my own prison of a body that couldn't function. Couldn't bear couldn't keep up.  Financial desperation that literally brought me to my knees and my end. The end of me. The end of us. The beginning of Him. Years of pain and sadness. Marriage that was grueling and painful full of disunity. We lived in a 600 or so sq foot trailer type house before we moved to roanoke, out of desperation. We had us and three kids living there. So, today, God walked me through the past and showed me what I couldn't see then. That he was with me. He brought me out of those dark days. He lifted me out of the myre. He has set my feet upon a rock and called me to love. Well anchored
To him, reach out my hand and love others. Pursue them. Love them in every season of their lives. Especially the dark places. I feel alive when I'm driven by his spirit. I know I do not deserve..I never could. I am such a sinner. Just like you. We are all the same. Just in a different time of that same. We are all his. He wants the lowest of the low. The roughest edges. He specializes in saving. And rescue. Instead of trying to add up my own qualifications I will sit and marvel and know. Even though I deserve nothing he brought me to this place. I will close my eyes and rest for this moment that he gave me and say Thank You. I will be mindful of the loveliness and I will thank him. Just like I thank him each step each provision each prayer heard and answers spoken so clearly to my soul. I Hear him in a way you could never believe. A way so close, like he is speaking from inside my own ear drum. Audibly, but with a sense you may not even yet posess.  I am thankful for the way he clears my table
and sits down with me. Thank you Jesus. I'm yours and you are mine. One day my children will know you for themselves. What a precious heritage to give them. 


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